Hope Burns (rewrite)

I remember the original Hope Burns, i had great hopes for that piece, but it sucked thoroughly, really, it did. So I decided to rewrite the entire thing, purged the lower half of the poem, rewrote the first two lines. This is the result, I think it flows better, and delivers the thought of "hope burns" better. I think.

Hope Burns
(REWRITE)

they say silence turns
the hope that rages hot

against hails that burn
choices that change not

respire the fiery hope
into the dead spaces

of your lungs that grope
for life in her traces

hold fast to its embers
for never will it last

sing the ashen members
gathering by the blast

can you finally feel
the black heat of despair

as its silken strands steal
the cold life from your air

past asphyxiation's sieve
your remains seek to outlive
the fire that knows not how to forgive

rgalang
1/26/2007